FREE BREAKFAST IN BED ANY DAY!!

That's right! When you present me this coupon I have to rush into the kitchen and I have to whip you up something amazing!

Customer may substitute lunch menu items. Sexual favors are NOT applicable with this coupon and customer will be tickled until he pees his pants if he requests such services and hands me this coupon.
Expires 6/9/2011

FREE BACKRUB FOR 15 MINUTES

Bratty customer may not substitute the word "back" for any other body part except the following: neck, hands or shoulders. Customer must be butt naked during services .

Expires 6/9/2011

GO AWAY RACHAEL COUPON

Since we're living together next year there's bound to be times you're super sick of me. This coupon is good for one hour of guaranteed alone time for Keven Maneri, no angry threats required! No door knocks, calls, texts, emails, IM's, nagging, harassment or jumping on you when you're napping from me for an entire hour. Coupon Expires 6/9/2011

Coffee for TWO

Whenever you feel like the two of us need to spend a little time together I'll treat you to a coffee date. I'll even hold your hand at the cafe :)

Expires 6/9/2011

ONE BIG BOWL OF BLUE JELLO!

Coupon good for one free serving of your favorite dessert! Will be served on a platter and with extra love. Customer may request special methods for dessert serving.

Expires 6/9/2011

FREE SEXY DANCE FROM ME!!

Customer may request clothes be slowly removed during performance. Customer may not touch performer without an extra charge. No refunds for crappy dancing. Beggers can't be choosers.

Expires 6/9/2011

Whipped Cream or Chocolate Syrup- Your Choice!

For your sundae toppings of course. Customer may request sprinkles, candies, cherries or specific ice cream flavors as well.

Handsome customer must eat sundae off his girlfriend's body. Expires 6/9/2011

ONE TIME ONLY OPPORTUNITY!

This coupon gets you forgiveness for one minor transgression. Meaning Rachey will not stomp around the house mad for the next 3 hours because you're an idiot.

Does not excuse the usage of rude words intended to be hurtful, saying my boobs are uneven, undermining my sexual awesomeness, mentioning things that happen over 2 years ago or being mean to Geoffrey.
 Expires 6/9/2011

Five Whole Reasons Why I Absolutely Adore You!

Will lovingly express five reasons why I am absolutely insane about you. Reasons will be meaningful and sure to give you a boner, or at least a smile to your handsome face!    

Customer may not wake up Rachael and use this coupon. If customer does so he will either get 5 very sarcastic responses or bit in the butt when he is sleeping the next night. Expires 6/9/2011

Dinner Coupon!

This coupon is good for one lovely dinner on me! It's your choice whether I make it homemade or Dine-out. Customer chooses dinner menu, date and destination.

Dinner requests must be made atleast 2 hours prior to eating time. Steak and lobster are not happening no matter how much you try to seduce me. Coupon may be redeemed for late night sexy snacks. Expires 6/9/2011